Moving in together before marriage is not the right choice for every couple. Intimidating as it can be, yours truly needed to take the plunge before slipping on the ring. Making this decision was an effort to ease my own anxiety and to make my relationship that much more stronger. (And I’m happy to report that my partner felt similarly.)
Though Tim and I have been close for over a decade, cohabiting is knowing another in a completely different light – every pair of socks, dirty fork and DVR’ed series (i.e. guilty pleasures) included. And beyond the mundane aspects of moving in together there are the essential: in what ways do we want to plan for a permanent future together?
I learned that making the decision to cohabit should not be a decision made in haste. Over the course of our relationship there were several times (while riding a surge of emotion) I almost leapt at the thought; I’m glad I knew better. The right time for us was a moment something like the following: “Perhaps we should shack-up soon?” “Yes, that sounds nice.”
There were questions to answer that became front and center – chiefly, do we want to get married? Do we want to eventually buy a home together and where? Are we interested in raising pets and children, and when? Having some answers to those questions before Tim popped the big question was a relief and an opportunity. After many years of fun twists and turns it was time to get serious.
When I decided to trot downtown, our immediate option was to share a bachelor pad. A simple but inviting space the size of some closets in neighboring suburbs. I soon had to embrace spring and summer while casting fall and winter to storage, but I’d spent enough time in the studio to know that I felt welcome. And after all, there were certain things I could do to make the space my own. As I’ve heard from friends in similar situations, it is important not to “change” the space; it was (and will continue to be) someone’s sanctuary, and ruffling feathers is not a good entry.
Here are some ways to make the space your own that tend to work fabulously:
— Spruce-up: Flowers can be a bit much when a space is so distinctly masculine. Grab a few succulents or other non-invasive potted plants and add them to bookcases or along an island.
— Re-arrange: Men usually have books – and stacks of them. Take a tip from Real Simple and give those cases a gentle new arrangement, something a bit more dynamic that doesn’t remove treasured pieces but highlights them in a new way.
— Frame: Squeezing your wardrobe to one side of a wall can feel suffocating. Add drapes (see the fabulous example above) to your side of the aisle to make it your own while cleaning and simplifying the space.
— Indulge: Learn how to cook a few specialties and fill the space with your favorite flavors; Lidia’s lasagna wins over hearts every time.
After a year and a half of compromise and hard-fought love, a little birdie paid us a visit and we acted. Last summer we pounced on a one bedroom in the same building making both of us homeowners. It was an easier move the second time around; we were able to apply a lot of the compromising tactics that worked so well during our experiment in the studio.
We hope to experience many more yule logs in our new home even after our marriage.
Collage via Polyvore: Jenna Lyons’ home via Live Creating Yourself / Messy room via Pinterest // Couple image via 92ban // Closet image via Meredith & Gwyneth // Home image copyright of the author