Allow me to begin at the end. Couples, yes all of you—engaged, married, seriously dating—I highly recommend going to premarital counseling. It was actually a ball.
A few weekends ago Paul and I completed the very first step in the Pre-Cana process. For those of you who don’t know what Pre-Cana is (I didn’t either), it’s the course or consultation couples complete before they wed in the Catholic Church.
Full disclosure: I’m not Catholic. I was raised in a non-denominational Christian household and wasn’t sure how I would fit the mold necessary to partake in a Catholic ceremony. Despite my apprehension, let me state for the record that the entire day was incredible from start to finish. My recommendation is to definitely, definitely, definitely, go to some form of premarital counseling. The earlier on in your engagement the better. Let it be the very first thing you do. Especially before you start spending money on your big day. It doesn’t have to be through a church or a religious organization, although ours was and it was actually really fun and informative despite my fear that we would be smothered with religious doctrine that wasn’t relatable.
And here’s why I recommend it so strongly: love is a wonderful thing. It truly is as great as all the songs and poems make it out to be. But marriage takes love and then ups the ante. Marriage, in addition to being about love, is also about partnership. Suddenly, you’re taking your reach-for-the-stars romance and throwing it in a blender with things like religious beliefs, parenting techniques, political views, financial tendencies, healthy (or not so healthy) habits, etc. Allow me to be the first one to tell you that love, my darling Reader, is great, but it doesn’t pay the mortgage. And so, the wise couple will understand that it takes a lot more to make a marriage work than just love.
And that’s what good premarital counseling does. It allows you to take a crucial look at your relationship and see, all love aside, if it will, statistically speaking, work. And if you’ve stacked the odds against yourself, well, at least you’re well aware from the start. Paul and I took a serious look at the various aspects that make us who we are, like our upbringings, our values and our beliefs. Then we asked ourselves, what do we like about these things and what do we dislike? How are we going to raise our children? How will we handle finances? Obviously we had discussed all of these things before he ever put a ring on it (waves hand in the air like Beyonce). But at this point in the game, premarital counseling does one of two things: either it allows you the realization that you are better off rethinking your wedding; or reaffirms you that all the hard work you’ve put into building a strong partnership was a great investment. In the end, the workbook pages were insightful, the food wasn’t half bad and, if you’re lucky, you’ll have a counselor who is as funny, knowledgeable, and down to earth as ours.
We walked out of there literally high fiving and thinking to ourselves, “OK, we’ve done a great job choosing a mate in life.” And bonus: on top of being compatible enough to sustain a marriage we really stinking love each other, too.
xo, Lady Katie